such a bad day

these are the times that my heart aches because i dont have him to make me smile no matter how shitty i feel. it fucking blows. I miss the person that I was the closest to. The only person that was able to keep my head on straight, weigh me down, and make me feel at ease no matter what was happening.


fuck.

Merry Christmas! High point of tonight was my sister saying 'Hail Satan" while my dad was saying prayers. My parents hated it and I had tears running down my face from laughing so hard. After dinner and such I went to Nole and Ariel's and we all exchanged gifts. Fun fun.

Work tomorrow and then off for two days. I am so happy to go back to 5 day work weeks. I felt like I was running myself into the ground. Also, we recieved our last paychecks of the year. Cleared 52k! Fuuuuucccckk yeah. Why do people go to college again?!

i miss listening to the mean streets and going to their shows. i honestly love them.

ew, somehow i've become a total single guy magnet and 90% of me doesn't want it. haha but it is fabulous none the less.

haha I don't know why I get really sour during holidays and such. I think it's all the hours at work and the crazy people. I should honestly just be happy. I'm talking to a few guys and they are all very interested. I've been making money and I have been managing it well. I go out a lot and have a ton of friends. & they are all unbelievable friends. and a family that helps me whenever they can and gives all of their hearts to me. im lucky as hell.

i am tho i little upset that my roomie will be moving. we love eachother! although i am excited for another refresh so fast. hopefully i find someone fabulous to live with in this awesome apartment.

I think I'm going to be just as sad on christmas as I was on thanksgiving. i don't like the holidays anymore without him. it just doesn't feel right anymore..&& i really miss his family.

...it still really pulls at my heart sometimes.

winter time begs for you to get under the covers with someone and spoon. :)

lady pimping aint easy

can't shake this heaving feeling off my chest.

but i am so happy any way :) for real. i love every single person in my life and where i am heading. i only have an interest in myself and having fun. can't wait for january for my los angeles trip. i want to travel oh so much.

lately boxed wine and lionshead have been muh jammmmmm.

instead of a christmas wish list how about a dream boy wish list

-Tall (6 ft. or taller) This is pretty important
-Skinny (I want some hip bone action)
-No baggy jeans, (tight fitting // skinny ciggarette jeans are my fav)
-This goes with shirts as well (no dumb sayings, make it tight, & just plain shirts/band shirts)
-You must LOVE music (rock/indie)
-If you can play a guitar, bass, or drums that would totally be a plus
-Jaw structure!!
-You better have breath taking eyes
-Nice teeth ( you don't need pearly whites)
-Give me some scruff (no beards and no clean shaven)
-Good in bed (but don't have toooo much experience)
-Likes to dance
-Likes to drink (no alcoholics, but likes to get hammered from time to time)
-Smoking ciggs may be bad for you but i think it's sexy
-Be a fan of the green (but don't be tooooo into it)
-No hard drugs plz
-Doesn't have a history with cheating
-But also doesn't want to be in a really serious relationship just yet
-Have a job thats stable
-Acts like a gentlemen (i dont need you to pay for every meal or open doors just treat me like a lady)
-FUNNY



hmm, I will add to this as more things come to mind

:)

oh dear. life just keeps getting crazier and crazier. && I absoulutly love ittt.