My heart broke again when I saw you last night..ugh.
I still get butterflys in my stomach every time I look into your eyes.



still staying posssiii tho.

I believe the unthinkable can come true, If you want it to.

:) For the first time, in what feels like a long time, I'm sure I can say I am genuinely happy with at least 90% of my life. I've got a freaking awesome apartment, and I paired that with a totally rocking roomate. Absolutlely wonderful friends, old ones that I have reconnected with, all of my current ones, and new ones consistently. My family is always there to help me. Some what financial stabilty has entered it's way in now that I have reduced my monthly bills and stability is only becoming stronger with the future.

& for once I really do not want to be in a relationship with a guy. Sure, when I feel 'lonely' and want someone to hold me and of course when I want a make-out sesh, I do haha But I don't want to be held down just yet. Yeah, I def want to meet guys and kinda see people but I don't want anything serious especially when my heart still pull towards my ex and the fact that I am finally finding out how to make myself happy without another being.

:)

haha

Pretty sure that the cheese shop across the street from me deals drugs. It's still 'open' at 12:30am and women who look like coke whores knock on the door and are let in and then they leave a few minutes later.

When will my heart let go?

Hmm. Huuuge chapter of my life has closed, officially. Old apartment is empty. Moved into my new one. I absolutely love my new apartment and this new start. No more living with the ghosts of the past. But I'm pretty sure parts of my heart are still there. I don't want to get upset everytime that I think of him.
Can someone help my heart move the fuck on? But, 3 years with someone and 2 years of living with them during the biggest changes and greatest times of my life is pretty hard to get away from. We moved out of our parent's homes together and spent every god damn night together. The worst part really is that we share all of the same friends. Can't even go to the party I wanted to go to tonight because he is bringing her and I know that the first time that I get to see her that I am going to ruin her ugly face. & I don't plan on doing it at a friend's home. She is honestly the most disgusting and pathetic person I have ever known, really. Ever placing trust in her and ever caring about her makes no sense to me now.

I like to pretend I have a hard exterior / But let me get this off my chest

Whenever I was sad or feeling low you would know right away, lay down beside me and hold onto me tight. "boo" "babyyyy" "i love you" Instantly, I would feel better. You meant the world to me and knowing that you were there for me, cared so much, wanted to make me happy made me believe there was nothing wrong. I felt so goddamn lucky. ....I try not to show it or even allow myself to remember/think about how I feel now. But still, I'm torn up inside. I couldn't imagine ever feeling this way about anyone else ever & I never have in the past. I never believed days like these would exist or that I would ever be heart broken by him. I truly, truly loved him. & I guess I still maybe do. && It sucks that this entire apartment just reminds me of him. Every time I walk into it. I can't wait to get out of here sometimes. I can't have these ghosts around me any longer.


The first time that I met you I knew One day I would know you even better ...You are the only one I love You are the only one I love You are the only one I love to love

The smoke, it sank into my skin

'Cause these last three years, I know they have been hard, But now it's time to get out of the desert and into the sun, Even if its alone.

oh, hey

still, i miss you so fucking much.
:o(