My life: a constant work in progress and I wouldn't have it any other way

hmm, good things are continually coming down the road & it's fucking wonderful. i'm doing great at work and making really good money. i also love my friends so much, they all mean the entire world to me. it's nice to know there are so many decent people out there.

i have a date on thursday. we are going out for dinner at a really nice sushi restraunt in center city. we will see how that goes. he has a good job, goes to school, has high expectations for the future, a sweetheart and has a killer smile. but i still don't want anything serious. single life is pretty awesome. doing whatever i want, when i want is equally nice.

die young and save yourself

i'm sure you feel like life is fantastic when you place it next to the last 2 years of your life.

failed relationships one after another.
suicide attempt failed.
chlamydia.
living in a trailer park.
abusive boyfriends.
trying to get pregnant.

and i'm sure it will come all back again, full circle.

everyone that you know says how much of a fuck up you are. trainwreck and loser are repetative words that i hear used to describe you. and these are all people you call 'friends'


karma is a fucking bitch. act your age. i honestly deep down feel immensly sorry for you. get out of your fucking fantasy world. you jumped into something too deep and way too fast. you think this is real? this isn't real love. love is built. it's only infatuation with something new and fresh. you're living in a fantasy world. and you should seriously know that by now. people smile in front of your face but it isn't their true feelings.

stop pretending to be the bigger person because everyone can see through your fake facade. you consistantly try to be quite in the ways you try to annoy me - you try to get reactions out of me and all I can do is just laugh each and every time. it's not going to get to me. ever. not anymore.

and please let me see you outside of one of my friend's places. you will be so fucking sorry.

umph.

My heart broke again when I saw you last night..ugh.

still staying posssiii tho.

I believe the unthinkable can come true, If you want it to.

:) For the first time, in what feels like a long time, I'm sure I can say I am genuinely happy with at least 90% of my life. I've got a freaking awesome apartment, and I paired that with a totally rocking roomate. Absolutlely wonderful friends, old ones that I have reconnected with, all of my current ones, and new ones consistently. My family is always there to help me. Some what financial stabilty has entered it's way in now that I have reduced my monthly bills and stability is only becoming stronger with the future.

& for once I really do not want to be in a relationship with a guy. Sure, when I feel 'lonely' and want someone to hold me and of course when I want a make-out sesh, I do haha But I don't want to be held down just yet. Yeah, I def want to meet guys and kinda see people but I don't want anything serious especially when my heart still pull towards my ex and the fact that I am finally finding out how to make myself happy without another being.

:)